


you’re still the that i love (the only one i dream of)

by thekardemomme



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Sappy Ending, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27103921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekardemomme/pseuds/thekardemomme
Summary: sander wishes he could bear all of robbe’s pain just to keep robbe from feeling even an ounce of it.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 10
Kudos: 136





	you’re still the that i love (the only one i dream of)

**Author's Note:**

> title from you’re still the one by shania twain
> 
> it is my first work for the pairing/fandom but i’ve written so much skam fic that that’s probably not relevant

sander’s mom is known in their family for throwing huge holiday parties. christmas parties, new years parties, halloween parties, _everything._ all of sander’s family and their family friends pile into the driesen household and party for _hours._

usually, sander loves it. he likes seeing everybody, and his aunties always bring the best food. he especially looks forward to his mom’s halloween parties every year, because everybody always takes dressing up so seriously, and all of the costumes are amazing. sander makes it a point to go around the entire party and see all of the costumes, and talk to everybody about what they are and why they chose it. it’s always the best time of the year. 

this year, though, he’s not as into it. he knows it’s stupid, but it’s hard to enjoy the annual christmas party when robbe isn’t there with him. ever since they got together, robbe’s had a standing invitation to every single one of his mom’s parties. but because her christmas party was on christmas eve this year, robbe had been unable to make it. he’d already made plans with his father—which sander was happy about, of course, because he wanted robbe to have a good relationship with his dad. but that didn’t make sander miss him any less. 

all night he’s been watching the clock like a hawk, because he knows that robbe said he’d be home from dinner by 10pm, so he’s planning to leave this party exactly at 10pm to go to robbe’s. his mom would probably get mad at him for not spending christmas at his own house, but sander would much rather ask for forgiveness than permission. he doesn’t like spending nights without robbe anymore. 

the worst part is that he hasn’t been able to check his phone all night because his mom made him put it up in the kitchen. _you won’t socialize with the guests if you have your phone,_ she’d told him. _you’ll just text robbe all night._

and, well. she definitely wasn’t wrong. 

but the party is in full swing now, so sander takes his mom’s distraction as an opportunity. he sneaks into the kitchen and grabs his phone off of the charger, planning to just send a quick text to robbe to remind him that he loves and misses him.

when he unlocks his phone, though, his heart drops. he has 10 missed calls from robbe, and a couple of unread messages from him. robbe _never_ calls him, so instantly sander knows that something is wrong. without even glancing to make sure his mom was still distracted, sander hurries up to his room, locking his door behind him. the music is still loud, but muffled enough that sander hopes robbe will be able to hear him. 

robbe answers the phone within 2 rings. “hi,” robbe says, in that soft little voice of his, and sander feels his entire heart crack and splinter. 

“hi, robin,” sander murmurs, closing his eyes and trying to pretend that he’s sitting with robbe in robbe’s bedroom, holding his hand. “is everything okay? i’m sorry i missed your calls, my mom made me put my phone away for the party.”

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize,” robbe says, and sander can hear the tears coating his voice. “um— can you come over?”

the anxiety that had already been building in his chest boils over to pure panic. sander stands up, immediately looking around the room for his shoes. “of course, baby. are you okay?” he asks again, because robbe is _crying,_ and sander needs to know that he’s at least physically okay.

“just shit with my dad,” robbe mutters, and yeah, sander should’ve figured that out. he shoves his feet into the nearest shoes he can find, and then pockets his house keys. “it’s stupid, i just—”

sander interrupts, “it’s not stupid. i’m on my way, okay? i just have to tell my mom that i’m leaving, and then i’ll be there in 15 minutes. i promise.”

“okay.”

“okay.” sander hesitates, and then adds, “i love you, robin.”

robbe makes this small sound, like a choking sound, like he’s trying not to sob. “i love you, too,” he chokes out, and that’s sander’s breaking point. 

as soon as they hang up, sander is power walking through the party to find his mom. he doesn’t stop to speak to anyone who speaks to him, doesn’t even acknowledge them. he just pushes his way through to the kitchen, where his mother is chatting with his aunt. 

“sander,” his mom says instantly, eyes narrowing as she puts her glass of wine down onto the counter, “i thought i told you to leave your phone in the kitchen.”

“robbe called. there’s shit going down with his family, he was crying. can i please go over and make sure he’s okay?”

back when sander was dating britt, his mom had rules. britt wasn’t allowed in sander’s room with the door closed, sander wasn’t allowed to spend the night at britt’s (this was more enforced by britt’s parents than sander’s, honestly), and sander definitely wasn’t allowed to ditch family to spend time with his girlfriend. 

things are different with robbe. they’ve been together for over a year now, spending their second christmas together, and those rules don’t apply. sander spends many nights over at robbe’s, and robbe stays over at sander’s. door closed and everything. sander’s never had to ditch a family party for robbe, though, but he knows that this time will be different too. 

immediately, his mom gets concerned. “is he okay? does he need anything from us?”

sander shrugs, “i don’t know, he just asked me to come over. didn’t tell me anything. please, can i go see him? i promised him that i’d be there.”

maybe it’s the fact that robbe is _always_ there when sander needs him, or maybe it’s just that his mom finally trusts him more than she did when he was with britt. whatever the reason is, his mom nods, telling him to hurry up and make sure that robbe is okay, and to let him know that they’re always there to help if robbe needs it. 

if robbe wasn’t across the city crying, sander might’ve taken a moment to appreciate his mom and give her a hug. but as it is, he just hurriedly thanks her and then darts outside, trying to get his bike out of the garden as fast as possible. he’s already wasted too much time talking to his mom, and he promised robbe he’d be there in 15 minutes. 

sander pedals so quickly that his legs scream in protest, but he doesn’t slow down. instead, he just pedals harder, until he skids to a stop in front of robbe’s. he carelessly tosses the bike in the nearest grass he can find and then hurries to the door, ringing the doorbell so robbe will let him in. 

it’s 10:26pm, sander notes, as he waits for robbe to let him in. robbe didn’t even make it through the entire dinner before he ran home crying. 

robbe opens the door and immediately pulls sander in towards his bedroom, not even giving sander the chance to hug him or even say hello. sander figures that robbe’s mom must be home. 

but as soon as they’re in robbe’s room, robbe is on him, burrowing into his arms and crying into his neck. the entire thing is ripping sander’s heart to shreds, because robbe is the sweetest boy he’s ever met, and seeing him cry is the worst thing in the world. sander wishes he could bear all of robbe’s pain just to keep robbe from feeling even an ounce of it. 

“what’s happened, robin?” sander asks quietly, one arm tightening around robbe’s waist and one cradling the back of his head. he presses a kiss to robbe’s temple, and then rests his cheek against the top of robbe’s head. “talk to me. what’s going on?”

robbe trembles, shaking like a leaf. he doesn’t answer. sander just sighs, slowly extracting himself just enough to get robbe to sit down on the bed. sander kneels in front of him, resting his elbows on robbe’s knees and holding both of robbe’s hands in his own. this way, robbe can’t duck his head to avoid sander’s eyes. this way, robbe is forced to look at him. 

for a few seconds, sander lets him sit there quietly. robbe regulates his breathing, and wipes his tears on his shoulder since sander has both of his hands. sander just gives him small encouraging smiles, and presses soft kisses to the inside of robbe’s wrists until robbe is ready to talk. 

robbe calms down, and then turns his bloodshot eyes to sander’s. he looks a little bit embarrassed—always does when sander sees any vulnerability from him—so sander just presses another kiss to his wrist. “hi, cutie,” he smiles, which makes _robbe_ smile, just the tiniest bit. sander counts it as a win. “are you ready to tell me why my beautiful boy is crying?” 

he drops one of robbe’s hands, reaching up to wipe off the remaining tear tracks from robbe’s sticky cheeks. 

robbe just shrugs, like he doesn’t know what to say. that’s common, too. when robbe doesn’t really want to talk about it. “it’s just my dad,” he mumbles, squeezing sander’s hand. “i don’t know why i keep trying, with him.”

“hey, don’t do that,” sander scolds. “don’t blame yourself for your father’s shitty behavior. you’re a good person for giving him chances to have a relationship with you.”

robbe laughs, “a stupid person.”

“not stupid. human.”

“well, anyway, the dinner wasn’t even that bad. he asked about you a lot.” sander squeezes his hand at that—he knows how hard it was for robbe to come out to his dad, and for robbe to feel comfortable talking about sander with his dad. it’s good to know that, if nothing else, his dad isn’t being homophobic. sander isn’t ashamed to take basic human decency as a win from someone who usually brings nothing but disappointment. “but then he started talking about my mom, and…” his breath hitches, and sander doesn’t push. 

he leans up a little bit, raising up enough that he can press their foreheads together. robbe’s knees spread to accommodate his body, so sander shuffles closer, ignoring how his knees start to protest against the hard floor. 

tears start to slip down robbe’s cheeks again, and sander starts to wipe them away, never letting them get farther than his nose. “sander.”

“yes, robin?”

“sander,” robbe repeats, bringing his hands up to hold onto sander’s shoulders. “would you… you would tell me if you didn’t love me anymore, right?”

sander freezes, blood running cold and eyes growing wide. he pulls back to look at robbe properly, and moves his hands so they’re cupping robbe’s cheeks. “what? why would you ask me that?” 

but that was _clearly_ the wrong thing to say, because robbe’s face just twists up in another sob. sander tries not to panic, just tightens his hands around robbe’s face, and forces him to look up and meet sander’s eyes. 

“robbe. look at me. i love you. okay? i love you so much,” sander murmurs, leaning their faces close together again, so he can brush their noses together. “so much. you don’t ever have to worry about that, because i will never stop loving you. i’m going to love you for the rest of my life.” 

“but how can you—”

“because,” sander interrupts. “i know because i know. i know because we’ve already gone through a lot of bullshit, and anybody else probably would’ve stayed broken up. i know because i went through an entire quarantine and couldn’t think of anybody else but you. i know because i’d rather be here, with you, than at my mom’s parties that i used to love more than anything. i know because you’re the first person i want to tell when something good happens, or when something bad happens. i know because i can be myself in front of you. i know because i’ve never felt like this before, and it only gets stronger everyday, even when we’re fighting. i know because even on the worst days, just seeing you smile makes me smile. i wasn’t lying when i said i saw you and thought _he is the one._ and i’m not lying when i say i’ve thought that every single day since.”

robbe lunges forward, so hard that it nearly knocks sander over. but sander manages to stay upright, and he holds robbe tightly, standing up and maneuvering so he’s the one sitting on the bed with robbe in his lap, curled into this chest. he rubs robbe’s back and smooths his hair, and whispers soft _i love yous_ into his temple. 

“my dad is divorcing my mom,” robbe admits, and sander is admittedly a bit confused—he’d thought that robbe’s parents were already divorced. “my mom thinks it’s a temporary separation, she… she has _no_ idea. she still loves him. and he’s gone and got himself a girlfriend, and he wants me to meet her, and i… my mom is going to be destroyed when he tells her.”

sander holds his poor boy tighter, hopes that somehow robbe’s pain will transfer to him if he holds him tight enough. “she’s better off without him, robin. you know that. she’s only gotten better since he’s been gone. as long as she has you, she’ll be okay. she deserves better than him anyway.” 

robbe sighs, “i don’t know what to do.”

“i know this is hard for you to hear,” sander murmurs, after a long moment of letting robbe calm down again, “but you don’t have to do anything. your mom is an adult. it isn’t your responsibility to handle her divorce for her. she’s perfectly able to handle those things on her own, you know that. just because she has a mental illness doesn’t mean she’s incapable of taking care of herself.”

he braces himself for robbe to snap at him, because robbe is the type of person who wants to fix everything for everybody else. he’s been doing it with sander since day 1—trying to fix all of sander’s problems without ever worrying about his own. it’s caused some fights, admittedly, because sander has felt the need to remind robbe several times that he’s bipolar, not a toddler. 

robbe never handles that criticism well. he tries to, because he never wants sander to feel like he’s being told how to feel or being treated like a toddler, but sander knows that it upsets robbe every time they have that discussion. he knows that robbe hates feeling like he’s hurt somebody, _especially_ if he did it on accident while only trying to help them. sander thinks that robbe could probably die from drowning in his own guilt, one day. 

but robbe doesn’t get defensive or upset. he just said against sander’s chest and sighs in defeat. “i know,” he admits. “i just wish i could take care of it for her. i wish i could protect her.”

“she feels the same way about you, robin. and so do i. but we can’t feel other people’s pain for them, or bear their burdens. all you can do is be there for her, and you do a hell of a good job with that. everything will be okay.”

robbe hums. “you’re right, i know you are.” he pulls his face out of sander’s neck, and sits back enough to make eye contact. sander smiles when he feels robbe’s hands trail up to loop around sander’s neck, fingers twisting around the baby hairs at the nape. “you’re so sweet to me.”

“i love you,” sander reminds him. 

“i love you too,” robbe replies. “i’m sorry i ruined your night at the party. i know you love them.”

sander scoffs, “don’t apologize, silly man. that party was dull without you. i spent the entire evening watching the clock, counting the minutes until i could see you again.”

robbe blushes, ducking his head in embarrassment. “and you had to come see me cry over my parents’ divorce, even though they’ve been separated for a long time. what a fun night.”

“any night with you is the best night,” sander grins. the best part is that he’s not even lying. “are you feeling any better, cutie?”

“i am, thanks to you.”

“good. it makes me happy when you’re happy.”

they smile at each other then, soft and warm, and it almost feels like when they first got together. but then robbe leans forward to slot their lips together, and sander knows that things are different now, because robbe is finally comfortable enough around him to kiss him first. to be vulnerable and open with him, and let sander offer him the comfort that robbe has been so severely lacking for years. 

it isn’t that jens isn’t a good friend, of course. he is. but sander knows very well that having only one friend that you can vent to, while better than nothing, isn’t nearly enough. 

when they pull back from their kisses, robbe rests their foreheads together again, settling further into sander’s lap. “thank you for coming over,” robbe whispers. 

“thank you for inviting me.”

“will your mom get mad if you spend the night? since it’s christmas eve…”

“probably,” sander shrugs. robbe’s face falls, so sander hurries to press a chaste kiss to his lips just to bring that pretty smile back. “but she’ll get over it. i’m not going anywhere, robin. especially not after biking over here in the cold. you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

robbe snorts, “who said i wanted to get rid of you? i want to keep you here with me, forever and ever.” he locks his arms tight around sander’s neck, and sander suddenly realizes that he doesn’t know where he ends and robbe begins. “can i do that?”

sander nods, grin big and bright and so much happier than sander ever thought he’d be. “you can,” he promises robbe, squeezing his arms around robbe’s waist. “you and me, for eternity.”

“eternity is a long time,” robbe muses. “what will we do with all of those minutes?”

“i don’t know, robin. but i _do_ know what we can do in this minute.”

“i happen to have some ideas, myself.” robbe brings his arms back around, and holds sander’s cheeks between his palms, his thumbs propping sander’s chin up so they can make eye contact (as if sander would look anywhere else). “what will we do in this minute?”

sander pretends to think about it for a moment, before giving robbe a bright smile. “in this minute, we’ll kiss. okay?”

“i thought you’d never ask,” robbe teases. 

and then, in this minute, they kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @wlwharrys or on twitter @starsamidala


End file.
